Complex Kisses (Here & Now Book 1) Read online

  Shit! I’m on the verge of having a real panic attack. With all my stupid, neurotic list making, I never guessed anxiety would be the thing to break me down. Here I was worrying about heart attacks, when it’s a panic attack that paralyzes me. I’m a crappy daughter, horrible mother, and now I’m a shitty hypochondriac too.

  Sucking in oxygen, I try to focus on what Eric’s saying.

  “It’s alright, Jamie.” His voice is steady, reliable. “I’ve got you, beautiful girl. I’ve got you.” He continues soothing me, reminding me to breathe while he rubs my leg reassuringly.

  As the panic subsides, I stare at Eric in awe. Unaware of my scrutiny, he simply continues driving us toward the hotel while he quietly encourages me to relax. He isn’t flustered at all. Even when he yelled at me, I think he did it just to get through to me. He is unwavering.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, one last tear rolling down my cheek.

  “No need, beautiful. I couldn’t have you passing out on me again.” His smile is small and teasing, but it’s enough.

  “I never passed out.”

  “No, you’re right. But I think you need to lighten up on yourself a bit. You need to let someone else help you with all that responsibility you’re carrying around. You can’t keep doing it all on your own.”

  “Maybe you’re right … I just … I just don’t know how. I’ve always felt like I was on my own. Like it was up to me. You know?”

  “What about Dylan?”

  “What about him?”

  “Hasn’t he taken care of Hunter before. Hasn’t he brought him up here, to see his family and stuff?”

  “Nope. Dylan visits Hunter about three or four times a year. He’s not been a stellar dad. But, in all fairness, I didn’t really give him much of a chance at that.”

  “Bullshit, Jamie. That guy needs to get his priorities straight. If I had a kid, I’d be doing everything in my power to be in his life, as much as I could. Even if my kid’s mother didn’t want a relationship with me.”

  I know it’s true. The way Eric has dropped everything in his life to come be with his little brother is evidence of his devotion to family.

  Hunter needs that kind of devotion too - from someone other than me. He needs his dad to step up and play a larger role in his life.

  “Yeah. Dylan and I have definitely had similar conversations.”

  “He’s an idiot. If he doesn’t pull his head out of his ass after that talk you had …” Hitting his hand lightly on the steering wheel, Eric lets out a noise of frustration. “Fuck. I guess I can’t really step in, can I? I was going to say that I’d talk to him - but that’s not really my place. Sorry.”

  “Thank you, Eric. I think Dylan may actually be trying. He just doesn’t really have a good example to go by. His own dad left when he was little and he had a rocky start with his step-dad. Plus, I really put him in a tough spot, running away with his kid.”

  “Don’t make excuses for him. You didn’t always have a role-model. You managed to raise a kid all on your own. And let’s not forget - he didn’t give you any support. He’s part of the reason you felt like running was your best option. Right?”

  “Yeah, I guess making excuses for him doesn’t really help, does it?”

  I’m not sure how he manages it but Eric really knows just what to say to me, at almost every moment. I feel like he has all my answers. Like, all my problems can be solved, simply by talking to him, or perhaps even just being in his presence. Even though all my crazy has completely obliterated the sexual tension, Eric is still under my skin, and right now he’s busy working his way into my heart as well.

  “So, will you be bringing Hunter here for the weekend?”

  “He didn’t want me too. I don’t know …”

  Finally, parking the truck in the hotel parking lot, Eric turns off the engine and turns to look at me.

  “Jamie, if you need help with any of it, you can ask me. I hope you know that. No matter what happens between us, I’ll do whatever I can for you.”

  “Eric …”

  “I mean it, Jamie. We’re friends first. You may be one of few, but I always help my friends. No matter what.”

  As we get out of the truck and walk to my hotel room, I feel an extreme level of fatigue setting in. It’s a bone-deep weariness that always seems to accompany my thoughts of dealing with life outside my bubble. Worrying comes second nature to me but, recent hypochondria aside, I generally focus on the daily struggles that keep me and Hunter afloat. I’ve concentrated on just the two of us for so long now, extending beyond that seems almost impossible. I’ve been a fool to think that I can keep everything and everyone from encroaching on our boarder of happiness.

  I think all my worries have just kicked my ass. I’m so tired my feet are literally dragging as we enter the hotel room.

  “Why don’t we take a nice hot shower and then curl up in bed?” Eric asks, as he massages my shoulders.

  “I don’t know if I can stand up through an entire shower. I know this was my idea but I’m really tired.”

  “Then, I’ll hold you up.”

  Leaving no room for argument, Eric leads me by the hand to the bathroom where he turns on the water and quickly gets undressed. Watching him take off his clothes is like witnessing the Aurora Borealis from your backyard - a rare and stunning event. There’s no denying the spark flickering inside me, cutting through my sleepy haze. He is as close to perfection as I can imagine.

  And I have done a lot of imagining.

  With his back to me, he checks the water temperature and I check out his perfectly sculpted ass.

  Turning, he catches my fixation and with a smirk asks, “Do you need help over there?”

  Without waiting for reply, he closes the distance between us in a single stride. I close my eyes, anticipating his touch, but somehow he manages to remove all of my clothing without laying a single finger on me.

  When I’m fully naked I stand, eyes still closed, waiting for his response. I’d be a total liar if I didn’t admit to being a tiny bit self-conscious about my body. Despite bouncing back quickly from childbirth, some parts will just never be the same. The stretch marks and C-section scar don’t bother me on a day to day basis but in Eric’s presence, have me holding my breath.

  “Jamie,” he whispers, “Don’t hide those pretty blues from me. Open your eyes.”

  Doing what he asks, I slowly peek from beneath my lashes to find Eric gazing down at me. He isn’t ogling my body, scrutinizing my flaws like I’d imagined. He’s looking at my face. No, he’s looking into my eyes. He’s staring so intently at me, it’s like he’s trying to find something. It’s like a silent communication with my soul.

  “You’re gorgeous. You know that, don’t you?” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. Trailing his finger down my jaw, he tips my chin, lining up our mouths. “And I’m not just talking about your body. Although, that part of you is really amazing too.”

  “Eric …”

  “Shhhh …” He soothes, before ghosting a feather-light kiss across my lips. “Come on, let’s not waste all the hot water.”

  When he suggested the shower, I had assumed he had other things in mind but Eric sticks to actual bathing. We each wash our own bodies, taking turns under the spray. Once we’re clean, Eric picks up the shampoo and starts massaging my head. By the time he’s done washing my hair, I’m so relaxed, I’m practically asleep on my feet. Noticing my jelly legs, he wraps an arm around my waist, holding me up as he helps me out of the tub and into a towel.

  Kissing the shell of my ear he asks, “Feel better?”

  “Mmm hmm,” I hum, unable to form words.

  Sweeping me up into his arms, Eric carries me to bed. Somehow, he manages to dry me off and get me under the covers. I must be dozing because I don’t notice him take any time for himself, I only notice as he’s crawling into bed beside me.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m bitch slapping myself for falling asleep in the arms of this perfect, na
ked man without having sex with him first. But the voice is hard to hear over the blackness pulling me under.

  My last conscious thought is how good it feels to lay my head on his chest, instead of my empty pillow.

  It’s past midnight. With Jamie curled up, naked at my side, I feel completely relaxed. I should be counting down the minutes until she wakes up and I can make her come again. Or at the very least, I should be asleep, dreaming about the stunning look of pleasure on her face as she completely let go, coming for me the first time.

  But sleep is out of reach and all I can think about is Jamie’s story of being lost in the woods.

  It’s mind-bending how her simple story has opened up a flood of thoughts and feelings of my own. The feeling of being so utterly lost, and not even realizing it. The feeling of looking up one day and not recognizing anything around me. That part of her story hit home like a punch in the head - it parallels my own life so perfectly. I feel like I was stumbling through life, following the guidelines set out for me, and I never noticed how far I’d wandered from my own path. I was hiking along someone else’s trail almost my whole life. Being with Jamie, hearing her story, just emphasized this fact. I feel like she’s opened a whole new world for me, where everything’s in focus and feelings are more than just a concept. The fear and pain I’ve experienced over Caleb have practically numbed me. Now, I feel like I’m waking up after years of sleeping. Finally, I have the chance to really participate, to make choices for myself instead of just following the rules set out for me.

  Is it possible for a blow job to lead to an epiphany? Ridiculous sounding but a real possibility. It feels like I’ve experienced a major life changing event.

  At some point, as I lay in foolish contemplation about my existence and the meaning of life, I must have fallen asleep. I wake to soft light, filtering into my consciousness, along with Jamie’s very luscious ass that’s cradling my semi-hard dick.

  That ass is spectacular. I don’t think I will ever tire of looking, touching or thinking about it. The way it sways and jiggles, just a little, when she walks. The way it fills my hands, so fucking perfectly. The way it makes Jamie breathe faster when I squeeze it tight. The way she’s rocking it up against me in her sleep, just enough that my cock is now completely hard and aching.

  “Mmm ….” Jamie moans low and throaty.

  Maybe she’s not fully asleep after all. That’s probably good - she’s going to be wide awake in a minute.

  Running my hand up her arm, I sweep her hair off her shoulder and lean in to kiss her there. Her skin is like velvet and she smells like honey. Trailing light kisses up her neck, my hand goes the opposite direction, skimming down her arm, down her hip, down to grab a handful of that ass that I’m so infatuated with.

  When she moans again I trail my lips up to her ear and whisper, “Good morning, beautiful girl.”

  With a sleepy, contented sigh Jamie rolls her head back, giving me her lips in response. I don’t think she’s even opened her eyes yet but it doesn’t matter, her kiss is rousing and seductive. She pushes her tongue into my mouth, lapping at me like she can’t get enough. I love the way she kisses. She’s all teasing tongue, nipping teeth and soft lips - it’s playful and alluring, and gets me really fired up.

  Growling into her mouth, I take charge. Yesterday she was the one with all the power, and I loved it. She’s demanding and unafraid. I’ve decided that nothing’s sexier than a woman who’s not shy about showing me what she wants. I’ve never found a woman to be as all out fucking sexy as Jamie. And I’ve never been with a woman who initiated things before.

  I’m more than happy to oblige her. I want to give her every damn thing I have to offer. All of me. Yes, she can take it all. I would gladly give it to her just to see her breathtaking smile. But right now, I’m too impatient to wait for her to fully wake up.

  Grabbing her hip, I pull her back toward me, grinding myself up against her perfectly delectable ass.

  Fuck that feels phenomenal.

  As stimulating as a little backdoor action can be, we’re not starting there.

  Sliding my hand down between her legs, I run my fingers over her mound, lightly rubbing at her clit and dipping down to tease her opening. She’s wet for me already. It’s like a reward - knowing I’ve barely touched her and she’s already turned on. Goddamn, she makes it hard to keep in control.

  Breaking away from her mouth, I whisper harshly, “I need you now, beautiful girl. I can’t wait. Are you ready for me?”

  Opening her eyes, Jamie looks at me with pure need. “Absolutely.”

  Thank fucking Christ.

  Lifting her leg up over my thigh, she opens herself willingly to me. She feels so small in my arms, but her body fits against mine perfectly, her curves my ideal match. Kissing her again, my hand drifts up, ghosting over her chest, teasing her nipple with a feathery touch. Her breathing has already increased to a pant, her little moans and cries of excitement, steadily increasing.

  “You want me, beautiful?” I ask, my finger playing circles around the tight peak of her perfect breast.

  “Yes,” she breathes again, excitedly.

  Dragging my cock up and over her pussy, I rub myself through her wetness, again and again. I love the way she feels, so slick and hot. I want in there, I want in there now.

  Fuck. What am I doing?

  I don’t have a condom.

  How the hell could I forgot something so important? I’ve never been so careless. I’ve never felt so out of control. Not with so much on the line. Not when just a single moment of inhibition could literally be the difference between life or death.

  Jamie notices that I’ve frozen in place, her hands grasping at my thing, at my dick, trying to urge me to move.

  “Stop, Jamie. We can’t … not without a condom.”

  Now she’s stopped moving too. We both remain suspended, our heavy breathing the only sound or movement in the room.

  “I have some!” She cries, jolting me out of my sex-starved stupor. “Let me go get them.”

  She’s up and gone before I can protest her moving her sexy ass away from me. But I get to watch it bounce a little as she runs to the bathroom. I need her and that ass back in this bed with me, now.

  She returns like lightning, bouncing on the bed, with a full strip of condoms in hand. “Here,” she says breathlessly, “My doctor always gives me free samples. Those were in my bag from my last appointment. I keep telling her I don’t need them, but I’m going to thank her next time I see her.”

  Ripping one off, I toss the others across the mattress for later. “You can thank her for me too.”

  Jamie sits on her haunches, staring as I roll the condom on, her lust filled eyes fixated on my every move.

  “Get over here, beautiful girl. I want you right back where you were.”

  Smiling sinfully, she slowly crawls the short distance on her hands and knees. Like a cat she arches her back as she languidly stretches out beside me, with her back to my front, ass pushed out toward me. She’s gorgeous. But she’s a tease, and I’m too impatient to have her. Her yelp of surprise quickly turns to a moan of satisfaction, as I pull her tightly back to me.

  Suddenly Jamie’s the impatient one, throwing her leg over my hip, grinding herself over my straining dick. With her head tilted back to look at me she challenges, “Take me. Don’t you dare hold back. Just take me.”

  Her permission to take what I want fuels my need.

  “You want it hard and fast?” I challenge, guiding myself to her opening.

  “Oh my god, yes,” she moans.

  Hesitating briefly, I lift her leg a little higher before pushing into her heat. Slowly, inch by inch. So slowly it hurts.

  Eyes closed, head thrown back, mouth open, Jamie cries out passionately as I nudge my way inside of her.

  She’s tight. Tight, wet and hot. Amazing.

  She feels so fucking good, so fucking right, wrapped around me. Pulling out slowly, I grip Jamie tighter and then repeat
the motion of pushing into her again, slow and sweet. She cries out again, as I fill her completely.

  As I continue rocking up into her from behind, slow and deep, Jamie continues to call out, cursing and moaning. Her sounds have me on the edge of losing control. My need for her, so intense, so blinding - I want nothing more than to pound into her like a beast. These teasing, torturous slow movements are building us both to a trembling height that will shatter the moment we let go.

  When I slick my hand through her wetness and begin rubbing her clit, Jamie’s eyes fly open, her breath catching in her chest. I rub her slow and steady, matching the rhythm of my cock.

  “You like that, beautiful?”

  “Yes. Oh God, baby, yes. Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”

  “I thought you wanted it hard and fast? Hmm? Change your mind?”

  “I don’t care. It feels good. Don’t stop.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it. Hang on tight,” I warn, before kissing her deeply. Our tongues lash, breath mingles, stoking the fire that’s burning me alive.

  Quickly pulling away, I catch Jamie off-guard when I shift.

  Rolling us both to our knees, her back still to my front, I sit up on my haunches, pulling her up with me. Her legs fall to either side of mine as I sit her over my lap. That succulent ass, once again, flush against me.

  Raising her body, I line us up and then quickly pull her back down, impaling her - hard and full, making her cry out loudly. My hand returns to stoke over her most sensitive spot. She lifts up, and drops back down. Again and again. Rocking, up and down. Her voice is sharp and needy, as I meet her thrust for thrust.

  Her body tenses as she gets closer to the brink. Filling my hand with her breast, I roll and pinch her nipple repeatedly, adding to her pleasure. When her head falls to my shoulder, I know she’s almost there.

  Biting at her neck I coax in her ear, “That’s it beautiful girl, come on my cock.” My hand leaves her breast to pull at her hair, turning her face toward me. I want to see her.

  “Kiss me, Eric,” she pleads, “I want you to kiss me when I come.”

  Her back bows dramatically as I take her mouth with my own. Increasing the speed of my hand, rocking my cock up, nice and deep inside of her, I make sure to hit the spot I know will set her off.